Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The promised peter post

And so. Not meant to be particularly depressing or poignant, just sort of on my mind. And lately, it seems that"on my mind" pretty quickly translates to "on this blog." :) If you’ll indulge me for a moment.

I was thinking of waiting to post this until the 3rd anniversary of Peter’s death, which is coming up. But I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of grieving on command - trying to fit it into some big meaningful date/place. In the last two years I’ve let the day go by without thinking of it, but what am I supposed to do, write a post-it? “Remember to remember Peter today.” And I think I mentioned a long time ago the disconnect I felt when I visited the memorial garden. It was just... a place. I mean, it’s beautiful, and his parents are amazing and generous in turning their grief into something positive, and I'm happy it's enriching peoples lives. But it didn’t like, make me cry, or project some touching montage in my mind. Well, that's probably normal. And it's probably normal that some little thing out of the blue will affect me, a lot. But weirdly, instead of getting used to his absence, those moments seem to come more often. Or the urge to tell him something. Which is so... disconcerting. I mean, we had barely been in touch that last year. I think a big part of it is that he would have loved to hear about all of my south american adventures – the language, all the political turmoil, the music, tbe “alien” nazca lines...

My own thoughts aside, I wanted to share a few things.

- Wesleyan is offering the Peter Morgenstern-Clarren ’03 Social Justice Award. (And apparently Wesleyan now has a Dean for Diversity and Academic Advancement??? Awesome.) Know any deserving juniors?

- Also, this article. “...a story of the devastating toll mental illness has inflicted on our adolescents and young adults as seen through the painful experience of one Shaker Heights family.” It’s kind of an intense read but really well done. (And personally, I was touched to see that it mentions the memory book that I put together, and Katie’s anecdote!)

OK. Let’s end with some humor. (See, I knew there was a reason for my being a crazy email packrat!)

Response to a party invitation in the fall of 2002:
alas, i am at an antiwar conference in boston.
when i end the war we can have a big party with
strippers and a five foot tall cake.
peter

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