Kindly unlose my bag. And while you're at it, please pay me $100 like the last time you lost it. Err... answer my phone call? Helloooo?
I feel LOADS safer since you stopped letting me carry on shampoo and bottled water. (*cough* Increase in checked baggage poses new security threat) And on this memorial day weekend, I'm proud to join my fellow Americans in further straining the checked baggage system. (*cough* Mishandling Has Spiked Since Liquid Ban Reduced Carry-Ons)
I've taken the liberty of creating this lovely patriotic button, which ought to boost morale in baggage claim offices across the nation.