Saturday, September 17, 2011

I'm looking at you, Brown Cow

So, there's lots of birthday madness to post about, but tonight I just have time to share this with you. At lunch today I was innocently finishing off my tub of lemon yogurt when I read on the back the most amazing recipe. I won't include the title or list of ingredients so as not to ruin the narrative flow of terror.

Combine the shrimp, mushrooms, and grapes in a large mixing bowl. [I know, right now you're hoping I'll just stop there. I'm not sure I can think of three ingredients less likely to mingle pleasingly in a large mixing bowl. But it just keeps going.] In another bowl, stir together yogurt [lemon yogurt, you recall], rosemary, and parsley. Gently fold the yogurt mixture into the shrimp combination. Place one lettuce leaf and an avocado half on each serving plate. Fill the avocado halves with the shrimp and yogurt mixture. Top with ground pepper and serve.

A quick google reveals that shrimp stuffed avocado (made with lime and cilantro, and NO YOGURT, LEMON OR OTHERWISE) is a perfectly cromulent Colombian appetizer. This version, however, reminds me of that Sweet Valley Twins book wherein Jessica enters a pineapple-recipe contest to win a trip to Hawaii, but she can't bother to actually cook anything so she makes up a pineapple upside-down cake with, like, tuna and hot sauce or something. Then when she actually wins the trip she feels guilty the whole time.

AND it reminds me of another book I just read about cooking at the turn of the century, a period in which ambitious women who still couldn't get out of the kitchen did terrible things to food in the name of science and modern civilization. Monochromatic meals were the height of fashion and any food item could become a salad by the addition of mayonnaise or, even better, gelatin.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the author of this recipe can only be a repressed Victorian female scientist trapped in the body of a lazy middle school student thanks to the cursed ring the Unicorn club found on the beach in Hawaii, no seriously, that's the plot. And I hope they're losing sleep over it. Now, someone please make this recipe and prove me wrong.


  1. Forgive me the yogurt fixation, but I just have to add another gem. From the Brown Cow website.

    "Yogurt isn’t just for snacking. You can mix the nutritional goodness of yogurt into so many delicious recipes. Smooth and creamy yogurt not only enhances taste and texture of many creations, but it also helps reduce fat and calories. It’s an excellent substitute for mayonnaise, sour cream, heavy cream and oil. Did grandma ever cook like this? If she was smart, caring, and creative, she did. Here are a few of our favorite recipes."

  2. REBE, I OWN THAT BOOK! seriously, the only svt book i own. i'd forgotten the plot, but the circumstances by which i came by the book were memorable enough that i've held on to it all these years. now i'm so tempted to go back and read it. and only a little more than slightly tempted to try out the disgusting avocado recipe. xoxo

  3. AMAZING! Sweet Valley forever!

    Also, I feel that I should archive Dan's response to this here for posterity. More yogurt madness ahoy...