R is in Oregon this week, bunking on my brother's air mattress and watching the Olympic track and field trials. Today I received an envelope in the mail with no return address and a Eugene postmark. The terrifying contents:
Help, what do I do? I can't remember basic hostage protocol - is conceding to a kidnapper's demands the best thing or the worst thing you can do? And where do I send the cookies???
Sidenote: In my family, whenever something mysterious happens, we say, "This sounds like a case for One-Eyed Kelly!" My dad invented One-Eyed Kelly, Girl Detective when I was ten, and he used to commission me to draw fictional book covers for mysteries that he also invented, of which the only title I can currently remember is "Three Men and a Bowling Ball: A One-Eyed Kelly Mystery." She was kind of the anti-Nancy Drew. She dressed a little like me, she did in fact only have one eye (she wore a patch), and I'm pretty sure she also had a peg leg. Later my dad created a boy sidekick for her, Hanukkah Jones, but by then I had long since grown way too cool to draw pictures, so Hanukkah never made it onto a book cover.
Anyways, this totally sounds like a case for One-Eyed Kelly. In her absence, I will try valiantly to bring the kidnapper to justice. Now where's my magnifying glass???